She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
