Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
