do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
