respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
