We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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