yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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