I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
