if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
