Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
