hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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