everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
