as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
