I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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