Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
