GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
