just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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