Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
People in love make me want to vomit
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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