Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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