i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
