i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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