Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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