he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
porn star boner night. come get it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
