She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
