My friends, they love my intelligence
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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