I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
