Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
