So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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