I feel great
I just peed on a car
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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