he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
