so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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