ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
