Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I deserve this hangover.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
