What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it hurts more in the daytime
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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