I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
