What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
