is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
