I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
