I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
