I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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