i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
