my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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