i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
