Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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