I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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