Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
