bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
