Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
