I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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