Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
