He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
