I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
