"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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