Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
