At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
