I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
