Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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